Tea, Cake, and Germans
by Tamabonotchi
Summary: Feliciano drags Lovino to Ludwig's house for some cake and tea. He really was not expecting another German joining them, and a very obnoxious one at that. Gilbert/Lovino


**A/N: **Hello there, everyone! I bring a small fanfic for you to read. It was a birthday request by a friend, so I wrote it for her.

As for a small note; this was written to be AU. The only thing that makes it AU is that human names are used with no reference to countries, and Gilbert refers Ludwig as Lud instead of West, since it would refer to being a country. Just so you're aware of that.

Hetalia is by Hidekaz Himaruya, as always. Enjoy!

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He can't believe he actually puts up with all of this. He had to deal with so much stupid shit these days; he should get an award from the Pope.

Like those damn Germans.

His life was going just fine before fate decided to slap him in the face when he first heard his brother Feliciano became friends with a German. Soon after, it was all he would talk about. He talked nonstop of his damn friend Ludwig. Feliciano had suddenly transformed and started eating weird shit like potatoes and sausages, talking about all he did with Ludwig.

He hated the man, making his own life a living hell all the time.

Like now, for instance. Feliciano dragged him all the way to the other side of town to the German's house to have lunch and meet his older brother.

Fucking fantastic, meet another one of those jerks with the worst food. Lovino could think of a hundred of places he'd rather go instead. He'd rather clean the house from top to down, or do manual labor.

He would even go to Antonio's house.

No, never mind. There was no fucking way he would willingly go see Antonio. Only in Antonio's own sick dreams.

"Look, Fratello, here's Ludwig's house!" Feliciano cheered. The house was pretty large, bigger than his.

"There's no way in Hell I'm going in there." Lovino scowled. He turned around to leave, but Feliciano anchored him to the spot. "Let go of me, dammit!"

"No, you have to come! Don't worry Fratello, it'll be fun! Ludwig probably made something tasty." Feliciano assured him as he dragged him towards the front door. While he sulked, Feliciano pressed the doorbell. The resounding sound could be heard from outside. Both could also hear loud voices inside, muffled by the walls.

A moment later, they were loud steps coming towards the door as it swung open.

"Hello, Gilbert!" Feliciano greeted brightly the man. His platinum blond hair went everywhere, looking like the German slob he probably was, Lovino thought. This had to be the bastard's brother.

"Yo, Feli! Come in, Lud is just busy being prissy with the cake. Oh- who is this?" As he allowed the brothers inside, he finally saw Lovino.

"This is my brother, Lovino! This is Gilbert, Ludwig's older brother!" The Italian introduced the two. Gilbert only stared, a smirk on his face. Lovino said nothing, glaring back at him.

"Ludwig!" Feliciano went through their staring contest and rushed in the house to where the German was. His loud chattering started like usual when the other two brothers finally looked away. Lovino grunted, seeing him undeserving of a real response. The German only chuckled and walked to where Feliciano had disappeared. Lovino finally walked into a large room with several doors on each side and a staircase leading upstairs to where the bastard probably slept.

"Lovino, come on! We're going to sit and eat now." He grabbed Lovino again despite the loud protests and led him to the large glass door leading back outside to what looked like the porch. "Ludwig made some tasty cake and since it's sunny, we're sitting outside." Lovino pouted as they came to a table with four chairs.

"Hmph, whatever. But I'm not sitting next to that son of a-"

"Please be nice, Fratello." His little brother pleaded. He looked so pitiful; Lovino couldn't talk about without feeling guilty. They turned to see Ludwig and Gilbert walking towards the pair holding plates with assorted cakes and a teapot.

"Bruder, take care of the china. I'll go get the rest of the things." Ludwig went back inside as Gilbert took a seat next to Lovino much to his displeasure. Gilbert saw him try to scoot the chair away and chuckled.

"See, Lovino? Ludwig made all of this delicious food!" His brother was staring at the three different platters- one looked like chocolate, one smelled like cheese, and the last was obviously strawberry shortcake.

_'Oh yeah, he's such a talented baker… Anyone can make cake.' _

He couldn't comment out loud before Ludwig returned with the small plates matching the platters, silverware, and cups for the tea.

"Thanks Ludwig!" Feliciano eagerly accepted a slice from all three cakes as Ludwig cut it for him.

"If Feliciano gets fat, it'll be all your fault." Lovino growls, glaring at Ludwig.

"No worries, Fratello! I can eat delicious pasta and gelato and not gain anything!" The bubbly Italian explained, forking down a piece of the cake. Ludwig calmly offers Lovino a slice of the chocolate, and he takes it, scowling.

"Damn Lud, you've outdone yourself with the Käsekuchen." Gilbert remarks as everyone settles with the cake.

"It really is, Ludwig!" Feliciano cheers as Ludwig pours everyone tea.

"Ah, thank you Feliciano." Lovino can't believe the blush that is on the bastard's face now. He was about to start yelling when something touched his foot. He stilled for a moment, but nothing happened as his brother and the bastard starting talking.

Lovino discreetly looked underneath the table and saw nothing. When he focused back to the table, he could see the other bastard in his peripheral vision. He turned and jumped when he saw Gilbert staring right at him.

"…What the hell are you looking at, bastard?" Lovino snapped. The German's leering was seriously irking him as he pushed his chair away.

"What do you think?" He asked. His intense stare was really pissing him off. He turned to catch Feliciano's attention so they could leave, but his brother was deep in conversation with Ludwig.

"Oi, Feliciano we're-" Lovino froze again. Something touched his foot _again_- he looked down and saw nothing until he noticed the pair of shoes right next to him. He looked back up to see Gilbert smirking at him. "It was you!" He snarled.

"You shouldn't try to interrupt them."

"What the hell do you know?! They're just ignoring everything around them!" Lovino didn't like that knowing look in his face. He tried to ignore him, taking a forkful of the cake and stuffing it into his mouth.

"Are you just jealous you're not getting the attention Lud gives Feli?"

That made him choke.

After Lovino finished coughing and washed it down with the tea, he looked back to see the German's amused face.

"I'm going to wipe that damn smirk of your face you bas-" A forkful of cake was forced into his mouth as he gasped in surprise. The bastard just shoved cake into his mouth-!

"You're cuter if you have something in your mouth." Gilbert commented.

That earned Lovino another near-death choking.

"Fratello, are you OK?" The two at the table had finally turned towards them with concerned looks.

"Oh, so NOW you decide to get out of your little bubble?! He just tried to choke me!" Lovino pointed at the still smirking Gilbert.

"Gilbert…" Ludwig sighed.

"You know you liked it." Gilbert said.

"What?!" Lovino couldn't take this bullshit. He had wanted to grab a handful of the cake to hit that smug bastard, but that plan didn't go as he planned. He found his front shirt and pants drenched in tea from the hustle to find a slice. Gilbert's shirt was covered in some of the cheesecake, so he was pleased. "That's what you deserve, bastard!"

"Ah, Lovino!" Feliciano was panicking, seeing everything go downhill. "Look what you did!"

"It's alright; we can wash everything and let it dry." Ludwig intervened, trying to ignore the obvious headache he had. Lovino did not process what he had said before he saw Gilbert took off his cake-clad shirt.

"Liking what you see?" Gilbert tried his best not to fall down laughing while Lovino tried his best not to punch him in his face.

"Like hell! And I'm not going to just take off my clothes out here!"

"Then you can go inside, Fratello! I have something for you to wear." Lovino wanted to interrogate why Feliciano kept a change of clothing _here _but he stormed off, rushing into the house. He soon found a bathroom and began shedding the wet clothing. He waited for Feliciano to come with the change of clothing, and started getting impatient. He was about to open the door to yell at him when there were a knock at the door.

"There you are, Feliciano! I was waiting forever-" Lovino yanked the door open as he started complaining to his brother, when he noticed two things.

His brother wouldn't give such a lewd look like that.

And his brother didn't have blond hair.

Lovino gave a shriek as he quickly slamming the door closed in his face, locking it. His face was burning, realizing that the man had seen him in nothing but his boxers.

The sick pervert probably enjoyed it!

"W-what the hell are you doing here?!" He yelled out.

"It's my house, of course." Gilbert called.

"Shut up! Where is Feliciano with my clothes?" Lovino retorted.

"He made a mess with the rest of the cake, so he's helping Lud clean up. He told me to give ya' the clothes." Gilbert explained.

"Well… Give me the clothes!"

"You'll have to unlock the door, and hand your other clothes to dry."

"Please_, you _just want to see me naked again, you perverted bastard!" Lovino yelled. Dammit, he could see his face flushed red in the mirror.

"Do you want to stay like that, or do you want the damn clothes?" Gilbert called out. Lovino weighed his options for a moment.

Dammit, he had no choice.

"Fine!" He unlocked and opened the door, hiding behind it. He grabbed the bundle and quickly retracted his hand back and closed the door. "Now leave me alone!" He leaned his ear onto the door, listening carefully. When he heard Gilbert leave, he relaxed and began putting the new clothes on.

He came outside to see the table already cleared. Ludwig appeared, and he shoved the damp clothes towards him. "Here, don't bother giving it back- I'll never wear them again." Ludwig rolled his eyes as he took them towards the wash bucket. Lovino then saw Gilbert and Feliciano- both without shirts, and in Feliciano's case, pants- sunbathing on a blanket.

"F-Feliciano! What the hell happened to your clothes?" Lovino exclaimed.

"I tried to help Ludwig with the dishes, and I got some tea on my clothes, so I just took them off!" He replied cheerfully.

"Oh, you don't have a second change of clothes here?" Lovino asked suspicious.

"I do, but it's so nice outside, I didn't want to put them on!" His brother smiled, stretching. Lovino looked over at Gilbert, lying next to Feliciano. "Join us, Fratello! I wanted Ludwig to join us, but he wouldn't!" Feliciano invited, waving to him.

Lovino could have yelled at him, but decided to just say no.

"Awww!" Lovino ignored his brother's moans as he walked around the two. One moment later he felt something abruptly hit his shins and he fell forward. He scrambled to his knees and turned around to see Gilbert looking back at him with that damn smirk on his face.

"Dammit…!" He ground out. "What the hell was that for?!"

"Nice ass." Gilbert commented.

Lovino swore he would never visit the damn German's house ever again, but not before punching the hell out of that perverted bastard.

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**A/N: **Hope you enjoyed! Happy birthday A.!


End file.
